Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
