With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
