it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
