I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
