Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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