at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
