hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
