I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
