At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
