The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
