I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
