Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
