If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
