I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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