At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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