How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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