Duck Duck Cougar?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
