I seem to have left my pride at pride
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
