with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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