it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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