He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
