It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
