dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I skipped work to stalk him.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
