Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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