Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
