The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
