my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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