He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
