Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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