I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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