If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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