Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
