I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I want to fling myself into the sun
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
