You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
