Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
