Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
