his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
