im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she smelled like a LAN party
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
