i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
