I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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