I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
