Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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