You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
from now on my penis is your penis
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
