3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
