I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
