Tell her she can't have a vagina
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
