We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
