Are we in a gay sports bar?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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