I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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