I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
