The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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