I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
