So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
