apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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