If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
