I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
