ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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